


Gilderoy's Big Secret

by MarshmallowMcGonagall



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, M/M, Secrets, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:41:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24207631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarshmallowMcGonagall/pseuds/MarshmallowMcGonagall
Summary: Gilderoy admits the truth about his reputation for having relations.
Relationships: Gilderoy Lockhart/Severus Snape
Comments: 2
Kudos: 78





	Gilderoy's Big Secret

**Author's Note:**

> [This fic](https://marshmallowmcgonagall.tumblr.com/post/618108240084025344/a-little-snockhart-for-snape-thot-with-no) is based on [this post](https://marshmallowmcgonagall.tumblr.com/post/618100735820890112/snape-thot-marshmallowmcgonagall) about Lockhart's sex life (or lack, thereof) by [snape-thot](https://snape-thot.tumblr.com/).

"I may have embellished the truth," said Lockhart.

"Yes?" said Snape, rubbing his forehead.

Lockhart had been pacing back and forth across his quarters for twenty minutes, spinning on his heel with absurd speed each time he approached a wall.

Snape uncrossed his legs then crossed them again. His arms spread across the back of Lockhart's obscene excuse for a sofa, Snape rested his head on the rich blue velvet and stared at the ceiling.

"And what is the truth, really?" said Lockhart. The agitation in his voice was only soothed when one of his large tomes caught his attention. The cover photo was quite fabulous. "Did you know Muggles study philosophy?"

"Yes," drawled Snape. At least he now knew how much Lockhart paid attention to their previous discussions. Why had that man insisted on calling them heart to hearts? Feelings. Lockhart insisted on talking about feelings.

"Fascinating what Muggles have achieved without magic."

"Gilderoy," said Snape, sitting upright, "get to the point or I will ask Sybill about whatever this big secret of yours is."

The incredibly powerful wizard that was Gilderoy Lockhart (Order of Merlin, Third Class; Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League; and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award) ran to the door of his quarters, flattening his body against the door.

"No," squeaked Lockhart. "I beg of you - "

"Then I suggest," said Snape, "that you get to the point."

"The point," said Lockhart. "Yes, the point." He started pacing again. "I - I - look, when I have previously made suggestions about my prowess." Snape raised an eyebrow and Lockhart went a spectacular shade of red. "I may have exaggerated." He stopped in front of Snape and took a deep breath. "I - I have never had relations. With anyone."

"This is your big secret?" asked Snape.

Lockhart nodded slowly. Even the toupe he insisted was real somehow managed to flop sadly about his face.

"Oh, sit down," said Snape. 

Lockhart shuffled forward and collapsed in the kind of heap which ought to be followed by cries for smelling salts. He slumped, his head falling onto Snape's lap. There was a faint sniffing as Snape stroked Lockhart's golden locks.

"I know that - that so much of my allure is my raw magnetism," sobbed Lockhart. "Whatever must you think of me?"

Snape pulled a monogrammed handkerchief from Lockhart's pocket and shoved it under the quivering hands which covered the now blotchy face. 

"About not having relations?" said Snape. Relations. Merlin, the man made himself hard to be liked at the best of times.

"Yes," wailed Lockhart.

Snape patted Lockhart's shoulder. "There's nothing wrong with that, Gilderoy."

"What?"

"Your magnetism doesn't depend on you having had relations," said Snape, looking at Lockhart who was dabbing at his eyes. "Do you even want to have them?"

"I - I don't know," said Lockhart, panic creeping into his voice. "Is that - oh, Merlin - is that a problem?"

"Of course not," snapped Snape. He could tolerate so much but this was really pushing his capacity for feelings. 

"What - What about Sybill?"

Snape shrugged. "I could tell her we did it on every bit of over-priced furniture you own."

"You'd do that for me?" Lockhart clutched the handkerchief to his chest and looked up at Snape.

"Yes."

"You do love me!"

Snape pushed Lockhart off his lap.

"He loves me!" crooned Lockhart from the floor.


End file.
